Site Menu
Google Site Search
These are guidelines for polite behavior in the BDSM scene. It's based on observations, personal experiences, conversations with peers, mailing list & newsgroup postings,
workshops, web pages, magazine articles, books, and personal mistakes. While some items of higher protocol are covered, these notes are mainly to address the most common social situations.
Play Nice: Some Notes on Scene
Etiquette and Leather Protocol
Version 2.09
Version 1.00 first posted May 31, 1999
Version 2.00 first posted May 31, 2005
(formerly entitled "Basic Protocol and Etiquette"
and "Some Notes on Basic Protocol and Etiquette")
This article is dedicated to Beverly M. in Austin
Part 7 of 7:
In Closing
In Closing
Summary
In summary -- play nice. BDSM is about playing games, and in the best games everyone has fun.
Further Reading and Sources
This article is only meant to be a starting point. For further study here are books and links:
Further Reading Etiquette in General
- Etiquette by Emily Post: This is an online republication of the 1922 edition of Emily Post's 627-page first edition Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home (The 1922 edition is the most highly recommended book for High Procotol.)
- U. S. Flag Protocol (Title 4)
- George Washington's "Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation"
- Cardinal Newman On Being a Gentleman
- Passage from Jane Austen's Northhanger Abbey
Further Reading on Etiquette and Protocol in a BDSM and Leather Context
- This site's History and Protocol section
- Etiquette for the Scene by Rose
- Civility and Incivility in the Scene by
Chris M [Black Rose of Washington DC] - A Proposed "Pansexual Protocol" by Ambrosio
- To Share or Not to Share? by Rowan Ste. Julian
- Commandments: Ten Rules for Dominants / Ten Rules for Submissives (from the SOJ)
- A Leather Bar Hanky Code
Links About the Old Guard
Further Reading on the "Old Guard"
- Old Guard? If You say so. By Joseph W. Bean
- The Old Guard History, Origins and Traditions By Guy Baldwin, M.S. (from The Ties That Bind)
- Old Guard, New Guard By Gayle Rubin
- The Myth of the Old Guard By Jack Rinella
- Multiple Tops: Master, Mistress and Daddy Makes Three By Master L.J.E. An Old Guard view of 'Net Generation polyamoury.
- Marginalia on the Old Guard, Leather Traditions, and BDSM History by Ambrosio contains "Leather's Military Heritage," "Six Contrasting Definitions of the 'Old Guard,'" "Napoleon Bonaparte's Imperial Guard," and "What was the First Use of the Term Old Guard in a Leather Context?"
- Rover's column in the December 1973 issue of California Scene Magazine: Earliest documented use of the phrase "old guard" in a Gay Biker --- and possibily Leather --- context (depending on whether you think Gay Biker qualifies as Leather.)
- Why Old Guard? by David Masterson
Acknowledgments (Additional Sources)
- Mistress Constance: A Lecture on Etiquette at the PEER TNG Tea Party. January 24, 2004
- Townsend, Larry. The Leatherman's Handbook: The Silver Jubilee Edition (Masquerade Books: New York, 1997) Introductions by Jack Fritscher, Ph.D., Victor Terry, and John Preston
Even More BDSM Etiquette, Scene Traditions, and Leather Protocol Links
- Please see this site's History & Protocol section
Polite Behavior for Vampyres
- "The Black Veil V.2: A Voluntary Code of Conduct for Vampyres/Vampires" by Michelle Belanger at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/blackveil.cfm
Related Articles by Ambrosio
- "Meeting Someone Else into BDSM" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/advice.cfm
- "Some Notes on Safety for Meeting Online and Off" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/safenote.cfm
- "An Open Letter to a Novice Domme" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/openlttr.cfm
- "Perverted Vocabulary: a Glossary of Terms Used in BDSM" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/terms.cfm
- "Some Notes on Netiquette and 'Net Basics" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/noteneti.cfm
- "Marginalia on the Old Guard, Leather Traditions, and BDSM History" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/notetrad.cfm
- "A Proposed 'Pansexual Protocol'" at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/ppp.cfm
Recommended Books
- Campbell, Drew and Donna Barr The Bride Wore Black Leather ... And He Looked Fabulous!: An Etiquette Guide for the Rest of Us. (Greenery Press: Emeryville, 2000.)
This book includes some information on Leather protocol but that is not its main focus. It covers a wide spectrum of alternative lifestyles including but not limited to Pagan, Wiccan, Gay, Lesbian, Transgendered, and Polyamorous. Buy it on Amazon.com - Post, Emily. Etiquette: The Blue Book of Social Usage
(The 1922 edition is the most highly recommended book for High Procotol. It's available on-line at http://www.EvilMonk.org/A/epost.cfm) - Schwartz, Oretha D., Service Etiquette 4th edition.
The definitive book on U.S. military protocol and etiquette. Buy it on Amazon.com - Townsend, Larry The Leatherman's Handbook: Silver Jubilee Edition. (Larry Townsend Publishing: 2000)
Both a historical document about the Gay Leather scene in the 1970s and also a useful guide to the leather lifestyle. Buy it on Amazon.com
Reposting Policy
This article was originally posted on EvilMonk.org
You're free to copy, distribute, and re-post this article for non-commercial use, provided you:
- Post it in it's entirety --- including these instructions, any copyright notice, and any dedication --- EXCEPT FOR graphic images, 3rd party code (i.e. APIs), or lists of links located below this notice (such as "Further Reading on ...," or "Additional Articles by Ambrosio.") They are optional.
- Credit the author (Ambrosio) properly
- Include a working hyperlink to EvilMonk.org at the bottom of the article
- Contact me (if possible) with the details (including the URL of the posting.) If I'm dead or it's impossible to contact me, you can skip this requirement.
- Do NOT post my email address. (I've gone to a lot of trouble to hide it from spammers.)
Additional Articles by Ambrosio
- Some Notes on Safety for Meeting Online and Off
- Meeting Someone Else into BDSM
- An Open Letter to a Novice Domme
- Perverted Vocabulary: a Glossary of Terms Used in BDSM
- Some Notes on Netiquette and 'Net Basics
- Marginalia on the Old Guard, Leather Traditions, and BDSM History
- Play Nice: Some Notes on Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol
- A Proposed "Pansexual Protocol"
- Polyamory and BDSM
- An Open Letter to Law Enforcement
- BDSM Gone Bad: Reporting Non-Consensual "Play" and Rape to the APD
- Some Criteria for Consensual D/s Contracts
- Relevant Films on DVD and for Streaming
- Dawn Perlmutter's "Dark Subculture" Witch Hunt
- Anatomy for Flogging: The Back
- A Rant on Mentorship
- A Surprising Discovery - an astonishing realization about the appropriateness of sending unsolicited penis photographs.
- Is Masochism Addictive?
- Some Notes on William Moulton Marston, Wonder Woman, and Loving D/s
- Life Looks at Leather (1964)
- Some Notes on Psychology, Homosexuality, and Sadomasochism
- ChatGPT and the Truth About Jeanne C. Barney
- The Miscreant's Paradox for Leather and BDSM
